You made me a mom

I feel so overwhelmed
so emotional
about the fact that you are turning 2.
It simply does not get into my head.
It feels so unreal.

How could it be possible that 2 years have already passed since you were born. I never imagined loving another human being the way I love you.

You were my baby. My only child. You made me a mother.
Soon we will welcome your little baby brother to our family. It won’t be easy for you to share my attention with someone else.
It’s going to be a big transition.

To be honest with you, I am so nervous. Nervous about how things will change. I am worried about you not feeling loved as much as before when your baby brother arrives – which I know is silly. There will be times when you have to be patient with me because your little brother needs me more than you do, there will be times when you have to play on your own so that I can take care of him. And even though there will be times I have to neglect you just for a moment does not mean that I love you less.
I want you to always know how precious you are to me and that we will always have that special and unique bond.
YOU made me a MOM!

The last 2 years have been chaotic, emotional, intense but also the most beautiful, adventurous and happiest years of my life. Although you won’t remember much of these first few years of your life – for me they have changed everything.
YOU have changed my life completely and I can not put into words how grateful I am to be your mother!

On March 1st 2018 you first opened your eyes to this world and from the first moment I held you in my arms I knew that there’s no bigger purpose in my life than keeping you safe. I didn’t realize at that point how much love I would experience.

Since becoming a mom I have gone through so many emotional stages and I have learned so much.
You have lift me up and you have always showed me the wonders of the world even on the darkest days, when I felt so tired and exhausted and my body was ready to give up.
You have taught me to be patient and you have helped me develop the confidence and courage to trust into my ability as a mother.

I have witnessed your first laugh, your first words, your first steps. Watching you grow and develop is by far the most amazing thing. My biggest smile, happiest tears and greatest moments of pride were for you. You are my sunshine, my whole world and I can not imagine my life without you.
You changed me and my heart into something so unconditional and full that I didn’t know could ever exist. I know our lives will change and that it’ll be an adjustment but I hope you will love having a sibling as much as I do.

Raphael – I love you more than I’ll ever be able to put into words.
You were my first and you will always be my first, truest and purest LOVE.
I am so proud of the boy you are and I can’t wait to see the man you become.

Ich liebe dich so sehr, mein Schatz!
Deine Mama.

Got inspired to write this letter for my first born after reading this little text by Kisses From Boys with Krista Ward 

You were the baby.
Our first.
Our only, for a time.
Until you weren’t.
Until another came along.
And then, just like that, you were big.
So big.
The baby you once were now long gone.
And I was shocked.
So shocked.
Because everyone had told me, but I never believed them.
They told me that all of the sudden you’d seem so huge.
That I might hold you funny, forgetting your neck didn’t need supporting.
That I’d likely be amazed by all the things you were capable of doing.
That I would look at you, tears in my eyes, wondering where in the world my baby had gone.
But they forgot to tell me.
They forgot to tell me that you would always be my baby.
That despite the fact that you seemed so big, you were really still so little.
That even though—in a moment’s time—you became the oldest, you weren’t quite ready to have so much expected of you.
That another baby didn’t make you any less of a baby.
That you still needed more time as my baby, too.
So tonight, I’ll hold you close.
I’ll breathe you in.
I’ll kiss your cheeks and thank God for you, my first.
And I’ll remind myself once more that you’ll never, ever be too old to be my baby.

Kisses From Boys with Krista Ward 

Photos by Courtney Lushaj Photography


1 Comment

  1. Nadja
    September 29, 2021 / 2:56 am

    This text breathes pure love! Thanks for opening up your heart between this lines and allowing us a glimps of what motherhood can be like.

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