Today is not a good day. I feel like a need to clear my mind. This morning I tried this new fitness studio that offers child care. But Raphael wasn’t happy at all. He screamed a lot – so I decided to take him out after 30 min. Mark is traveling for 2 days and being alone with Raphael, in this big house, in this new city feels weird and a bit lonely to me. Just when I became so comfortable in Allentown, found my perfect routine and the best mom tribe I could have wished for I had to move to a new city.
Raphael is starting to develop some stranger anxiety and I can’t get anything done. There are so many things I want to do but every time I put Raphael down to sleep I need so much time to reorganize (should start to bullet journaling again…) my thoughts that I don’t get anything done. Do you know that feeling? What should I do first? There are blogposts I want to write (even some still unfinished), videos I want to edit, Shutterfly books I want to make, friends from Germany I want to catch up with and house cleaning, laundry and cooking that needs to be done. And today I am not motivated to do anything. I still need to adjust to the new area and find a new routine with Raphael. Right now I just feel stuck at home. It is so cold and rainy outside, the days are long and it takes a lot of motivation to get everything packed up to get out of the house. I don’t want Raphael to sit in his stroller for too long but hanging at home the whole day drives me crazy too. And finding the right timing between naps and meal time is not easy at all, especially when he’s not eating so well because his upper teeth are coming through. I feel like I still need to figur out the perfect balance for us.
For now I will try not to overthink.
2018 wasn’t always easy. There were so many ups and downs, strong and weak moments. I did make it through so many challenges, so many transitions. And probably I am just craving for a little bit „normality“ in life. Being an expat mom (being relocated every 2-4 years), living far away from friends and family, isn’t as easy and fun as it always looks like. Even tough I am happy and grateful having this great opportunity to live abroad and share this wonderful life with my family I definitely do have my bad days!
Mark likes to say: the expat life – a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Tomorrow is a new day. And I am sure we will find a new routine that will work for us – soon.
Photos by Emily Tanedo